i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My dick has a subreddit
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
