The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
