P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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