She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
