You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
