you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
