i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
