is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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