I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
