She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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