the condom got lost in my hair
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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