But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
