Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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