I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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