Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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