just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
