So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
