OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
