take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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