Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
