Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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