WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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