YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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