awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
