2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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