Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
