my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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