They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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