Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
