there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
