eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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