That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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