Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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