Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
