yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
