I just threw up on my dentist
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
