great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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