I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
