then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
