Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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