WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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