I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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