Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
