yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize