There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize