He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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