is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
