the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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