i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
