theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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