babies were throwing up all over the place
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
