she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
