I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
