I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
