I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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