I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
