Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
