im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am spending my child support on dildos
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
