NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
