The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
