Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Enjoy the penises
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
