then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're like the curious george of whores
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
