I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize