I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
