Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
