i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
