laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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