It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
