What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
