guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
