he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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