I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
